The Monster-in-Law Thread (Updated! The Hellish Evil Entity Returns!)

I'm jealous. When mine dies I always say I am going to Party City for balloons and shit.

One time she called us up pissed off because we did not meet her. We were like what are you talking about, and she said, "The phone rang one time and that meant I was supposed to meet you in the Montgomery Target parking lot." That shit was like several hours away from her house. Like you don't even know what to say to her crazy.

- The Knäve *ech*

isnt that 70% of current porn?

The Monster-in-law has fucking topped herself this fucking time. The wife and I woke up to a fuckton of cops shining flashlights in our faces. I got the Nunya at a Pizza Hut treatment and was placed in handcuffs for a few minutes. Fucking any man's burden. It's always the dude right. All of them fucking feminist want equality well I fucking wish the cops would treat them like a dude at a potential crime scene. My monster-in-law called 911 and told them someone was being choked to death in the house. I have not seen so many squad cars in my fucking life except for when they buried my uncle who died in the line of duty and was a cop and he had a few hundred squad cars at his funeral. I thought someone had fucking swatted us. We had more than a dozen police cars plus they said they had an outer perimeter set out around the house with many other cars and that they did over 100 mph to get to our house since it was reported to them as an active crime.  We had cops from 2 counties and 2 different cities respond. Fucking neighbors must think one of us was a fucking serial killer, FBI's most wanted or some crazy shit. Police response was unreal in numbers. I guess I should feel a bit safer living out here in the country with that kind of turn out. Monster-in-law was apparently on the phone screaming hysterically at the 911 operator, and not making sense and they were not sure if she was being choked to death or someone else was being choked to death from what she was saying but of course when the cops showed up no one had any red marks or showed any signs of being choked. The wife and I still got separated and questioned if we were choking each other. The monster-in-law made absolutely zero sense to the cops and as far as I can tell would not even tell them who or where in the house the choking incident happened and would not even describe the person who was choking someone. Fucking auditory and visual hallucinations. I'm like we were asleep. Not even a bruise or mark on either of us. An ambulance and firetrucks then showed up and she tried to refuse to go to the nut ward at the local hospital, but they thankfully carted her the fuck off anyway. They added a mental health flag to our address associated with her and said in the future if they receive any 911 calls from her, it will be a much different response now that they know she is cray. Luckily, they found an unlocked door because they said they were just about to kick our front door in. Thankfully I'm not replacing or fixing my door ATM. I can't tell you how fucking pissed off I am ATM. I fucking hate this bitch. I'm going to enjoy the next few days/weeks while she is locked the fuck up in the place with padded walls. I hope they straight jacket that bitch and bring back shock therapy for her. You may think you have the worst Mother-in-law in the world. It's not even close. You fucking don't. I do.  Best wishes to all I'm going to be fucking offline for a bit calming the fuck down. 

- the Knäve *ech*

Wait, you leave one of your doors unlocked?! That's asking for trouble! Of course, tonight is an exception, but in general I would never leave a door to my home open to the outside world.

Is wifey feeling guilty about this? Did you get an awesome breakfast or dinner the next day?!

You people are fucking weird.

My life's heavy like my fucking metal. I should trademark that shit and sell T-shirts and coffee mugs...

Yeah, it's probably not normal to wake up to police with guns drawn and flashlights shining in your face in your own fucking bedroom. It's definitely not ideal but sadly I have been shoveling money at lawyers for something positive going on in my life for the last few months and I can't toss her out ATM sadly as I don't want this to affect my positive shit that the lawyer says will go down in September so that's any day/week now. With my luck, I'd get the same judge, and this crazy bitch would cause the important positive legal shit to take longer. Not many judges in my small county and one just got removed from the bench, so the odds are too high. Legally I can't toss her out even though her name is not on the house or any bills etc. I have to serve her with a thirty-day eviction notice and then go before a judge and have the police remove her from the property if she does not leave after the thirty days. My plan is that I am going to find the shittiest furthest away from my house nursing home for her and drop her ass off at it or she can take shit upon herself, and I'll happily drop her off at the homeless shelter but sadly this shit sounds like it can get complicated as fuck. She is my fucking Terror Gypsy.

She actually attacked me a few weeks ago and ran next door and got the neighbor's hospice worker to call the police. They showed up and I was covered in red marks, and I didn't even pop her back, so she was mark-free (I did tell them I boxed her in the ears and said, "Stop that shit" and the cops thought that was funny), and the cops asked me if I wanted to press charges. I'm like it's a waste of your time and mine take her to the nut ward. Which they did. What's a judge going to do to a crazy bitch? Luckily that cop showed up this morning too after the initial onslaught of cops, so he backed me up on how crazy she is. I still got the card from that day and could still press charges, but it would just be a waste of everyone's time. Mine fucking included. 

Both times the police were polite and apologized on the way out the door and I have no gripe with them it's procedural, not personal and it's not like they George Floyd'ed me. Besides we always just swap cop/prison stories at some point of them dropping in unexpectedly. 

- the Knäve *ech*